Equinox and Solstice
by dreams and whishes
Summary: What if Beth Johanssen wasn't part of the Ares III crew? What if instead classified genius, Alessia White, was the Systems Operator and Reactor Technician? Follow her through the rigorous training and the journey to Mars, as well as the disaster that happens there. How does she fit into NASA's plans? Rated M because I'm paranoid.
1. Chapter 1

When they were told about the selection, they were ecstatic. They had endured months of trials and training to be selected. This was a dream come true. A team of NASA and international astronauts would carry out scientific research on Mars. That team was them.

Now they gathered around. The commander, the pilot, the engineer, the doctor and the navigator. Only one was missing; the System Operator and Reactor Technician. Together, the team of six would make history.

"Apologies, but the last member of your team in on her way back from Russia. Her plane was delayed due to bad weather. She should be here soon," Vincent Kapoor said. He couldn't wait to see the current team members' reactions when they saw the last person.

"Is she Russian?" Commander Melissa Lewis' voice was sharp and directive. She had the perfect qualities to be a leader.

"No," answered Teddy Sander, "She was teaching a class at the Roscosmos State Corporation. We asked her to give a lecture there in her field of expertise. I'm sure you'll agree with us that she is quite talented at her job."

The Ares III crew looked surprised. It was not often that you heard such praise come from the director of NASA. Stoic and stern, it took a lot to please the man. _She must be brilliant_ , thought Alex Vogel.

Silenced once again returned to the room. Mitch Henderson took this opportunity to scrutinise the crew. They seemed a little anxious, edging to actually meet and bond with each other. From tomorrow onwards, they would be put through rigorous training to prepare for their mission to Mars. By the end of the two-year training, they would know each other better than themselves, and be prepared to risk everything for the success of the mission and the survival of one-another. Yet, right now, they just seemed fidgety and apprehensive. That would quickly pass. _They will soon be like a family; we have seen this for all previous Ares missions_.

A phone ring grabbed Mitch out of his thoughts, and back to Earth. He pulled out his phone and quickly answered it.

"Hey Mr Henderson, it's Alessia."

"I'm aware. NASA does have caller ID. Where are you?"

"I'm on a cab. Do I have time to stop by my place to take a quick shower? I haven't had one in 30 hours and well…its not great. Not the kind of first impression I want to make." She sounded tired and drained of any energy. Mitch almost felt bad for the girl.

"You don't have time. You can take one at NASA before the meeting, only if you hurry up."

"Sounds good. I'll be there soon."

Mitch hung up the phone and turned to the rest of those in the room.

"She will be here shortly."

True to her words, Alessia White turned up to the meeting not even twenty minutes later. Everyone turned around when the doors opened. Wearing sweatpants, an oversized hoodie and a rugged pair of converse, she seemed not to have a single care in the world. Her hair, wet from a recent shower, was tied up in a messy bun, with a few loose strands framing her face. Dr Beck couldn't help but notice her slightly red, irritated eyes and large purple bags that seemed to be the prominent feature in contrast to her pale skin. _Sleep deprivation_ , he noted. The rest of the Ares III crew was shocked at her youth. _She's only a kid._ Rick Martinez's thoughts were reflected upon all of the crew's faces.

"My apologies. The flight was delayed by a few hours." Her voice still carried the innocence of her youth.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Vincent Kapoor cut her apology short. "Alessia meet the rest of the Ares III crew; Commander Melissa Lewis, Rick Martinez, Alex Vogel, Dr Chris Beck and Mark Watney. Crew, meet your last member; Alessia White."

Mark was quite surprised at the strength of her hand when they shook hands. He could tell she was a force to be reckoned with. _She must have made many enemies in her career, being so young and yet extremely successful._

"So if you could all take a seat, we'll begin explaining what you will be required to do for the next few years," Teddy Sanders began. "The Ares Missions, as you already know, were introduced to gather information about Mars. The Ares III will be a long-duration mission to examine Martian sediment deposits for evidence of subsurface ice. It will continue NASA's investigation of the biological, atmospheric and geological history of Mars. You will remain on Mars for 31 days to examine sediments, gullies and speudocraters. You will land at the Acidalia Panitia, a site that is thought to have been the result of water erosion. You should be honoured to have been selected; this mission will be the first time a team of researchers will be able to directly examine this particular site. You will be making history."

Alessia began to feel her eyes get heavier and heavier. It's wasn't that the director of NASA was particularly boring; she was so sleep deprived she couldn't not focus on anything. Using all of her willpower to not fall in a long-awaited slumber, she forced herself to attempt to pay attention to what he was saying. Minutes later though, she found herself unable to make out what the Director of NASA was saying. Syllables jumbled together and sounded like mush to her ears. Chris Beck smiled as he saw her head bob up and down in drowsiness and glanced at Watney who quickly nudged her awake. Her cheeks darkened in embarrassment. Alessia quickly looked around hoping that no one had caught her lapses into Morpheus' arms.

"Why don't we take a quick coffee break. I could use some." Nothing passed invisible to the eagle eyes of Mitch Henderson.

Watney watched attentively as Alessia punched a few numbers in the vending machine and grabbed a can of RedBull. She then proceeded to empty it in a cup of steaming coffee and smile in contentment as she sipped her over-caffeinated drink. _Dr Beck is going to have a heart attack if he sees that_ , he thought. A little energy seemed to return to her.

Alessia reached into her pocket before taking out her phone. She typed a few numbers and brought it to her ear.

"Hey are you still in D.C? …Awesome…Is there any chance that you could pick me up? I haven't slept in over a day, and I'm functioning purely on caffeine…Yeah yeah I know, skip the lecture and cut me some slack please…I should be done in like an hour or so…Thanks so much Nick."

Shutting her phone off, she entered back into the room.

"The Mission officially begins tomorrow," continued Vincent, "Your training will consist of both physical training, as well as the more skills and academic side of the mission. Each day will begin with three hours of strength and endurance. You need to be physically fit and your bodies need to be able to endure the changes in gravity and the lengthy stay out of the Earth's atmospheric pressure. You will be taught how the Hermes functions, the inside-outs of every piece of equipment and survival training. Part of your training will include ten days in isolation and a psychological evaluation, three days of confinement in the Mars Ascent Vehicle and two weeks of survival in the Nevada desert." He chose to ignore the groans and protests that came out from the crew.

"Your training will be hard, there's no doubt about it," finished Mitch, "but as a team, you should overcome it easily. You have been chosen for endurance, determination and skills, not to mention your fields of expertise. You should note that you are encouraged to take part of outside training activities together. The more you bond and get to know one-another, the easier your mission will be, on a psychological level that is."

"Do you have any questions?" inquired Vincent.

"So two years of training and then bye-bye Earth?" recapitulated Mark.

"That's exact."

"What kind of scientific research are we taking about?"

"Commander Lewis is a geologist and Watney is a botanist. Combined with the expertise of other crew members, you should be able to gather sound information about life on Mars and in Space."

"Wait, who is an expert in what?" interrupted Mark.

"Vogel has a chemistry background as well as astrophysics, and White also has knowledge in nuclear astrophysics."

"If that's all, I suggest you all go home and get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow begins your training."

Alessia grabbed her suitcases which she had left outside of the conference room. Dragging the heavy object behind her, she walked out of the NASA headquarters and waited for her ride home. Beside her stood the rest of the crew. _Do I make conversation or do we kind of just wait awkwardly?_ She was sparred from such dilemma when a car pulled up.

"Get in loser, we're going shopping!" The driver was a young man in his early twenties.

"The fact that you can quote that movie off by heart sincerely concerns me," she retorted.

"Blame Hannah, she had a phase. It was bad," replied the passenger. He jumped out. The resemblance between the driver and him was striking. Walking towards Alessia, he stopped and gave her a bone-crushing hug. "How was Russia?"

"Hello to you too Nick. It was freezing. It's a miracle I survived."

"'Less, don't you think that's a little over dramatic," he said whilst grabbing. "Christ, what is in your suitcase? Did you need that many clothes?"

"Most of it is book and research actually."

"You're such a nerd."

She turned and waved a good-bye to the rest of the crew, "Have a nice evening guys."

She took the opportunity to jump in the passenger seat whilst Nick put her suitcase in the book of the car.

"Bitch," he called out good-naturedly

"Jerk," she replied with a laugh.

She was oblivious to the side glances that the other crew members exchanged.


	2. Chapter 2

Hit hit. Breath. Hit hit. Breath. Hit hit. Breath. Every second breath her arms would throw two quick successive punches at the boxing bag in front of her. Sweat was dripping from her forehead and staining her shirt. Her muscles would convulse and extend at each movement. Her face was becoming red from the effort and veins were beginning to pop out of her arms as a result from the physical exercise.

When Beck entered the room, he saw Alessia working at it on a boxing bag. She had plugged in Bluetooth earphones and obviously had not noticed him. He was surprised to see her there; it was still early morning after all.

"Good morning," he called out, alerting her of his presence in the NASA gym.

"'Morning Doctor," she breathed out pulling out her headphones. An up-beat tune was heard until she turned it off with a tap on her watch.

"You been here long?"

"A while. I was up around 3am due to the time difference. Jetlag is a bitch. I came down here around 4 am or so."

 _That was 4 hours ago_. Beck was surprised at the level of energy she still seemed to have. Alessia had been relentlessly punching that bag like she had just begun. She was wearing protective bandages around her hands, but he was still going to check for bruising when she was done. He was the crew's doctor after all. It was his job to make sure that every member of the crew was at peak health, physically and emotionally.

When Alessia finally put her arms down, she glanced and saw that Beck had begun to do a rotation of push ups, sit ups and exercises with medicine balls.

"Did you know we get quarters of our own?"

"Excuse me?" Alessia could not hide her surprise. She hadn't realised he was watching her.

"Yeah. NASA has set up rooms, bathrooms and a common room with a kitchen for all of us. I not sure but I would say that they want us to live at the headquarters."

"Oh. I guess I'll go find out where they are and clean up." _The shower would be well deserved_.

"On the fifth floor, in the east wing. They showed me when I got here. I think Watney has already settled in."

"I'll go and check it out. Have a nice workout Doc." Alessia grabbed the gym bag she left near the door and headed out to the fifth floor.

The NASA headquarter was truly amazing. In the heart of the country's capital, there was access to countless resources. She loved D.C, the capital was splendid and so vibrant, not to mention that one of her cousins went to college there, and she got to see him often. Her cousins meant the world to her. They had saved her from a pit of despair when she was younger. Shaking her head, Alessia continued to make her way to her new quarters. It was not time to think of that.

Mark Watney walked into the common room he shared with the other Ares III, and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw a sleeping form on one of the couches. Alessia White. He couldn't blame her; those couches were extremely comfortable. He had almost done the same thing earlier that day. She was slouched against one of the arm rests, earphones in and her phone close to slipping out from her hand. The young girl was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, but both branded with the NASA logo. Her hair was still damp from a recent shower. _She was truly something_. Shaking his head and smiling, he headed down to the gym.

She was awoken by Rick Martinez shaking her shoulder, and Mark poking her cheek.

"Up you get kid; we have work to do." Her only response was to groan, protest and curl up further into the couch, if that was even materialistically possible.

"Come on, you need to show off your tech skills today."

Groaning and muttering curses under her breath, she trudged over to the coffee machine and served herself a cup, but not before having poured a can of energy drink in the mug. Martinez and Watney exchanged glances and smiled at her antics and 'extreme caffeine' habits.

"You know Dr Beck will have a fit right?"

"Does he want me to function properly?" That shut up Martinez pretty fast. You couldn't possibly argue with such valid logic.

They hadn't noticed but the rest of the crew had entered the common room.

Beck walked towards Alessia with a small First Aid kit.

"My hand and knuckles are fine Doc," she protested.

"I believe I'll be the judge of that, thank you very much."

"Sassy doc," commented Watney.

Beck check her hands for bruising and potential fractures, but reluctantly admitted that there was nothing wrong with them. She smirked at him, and he simply shook his head.

"So what's on the agenda Commander?" _Thank god for Mark Watney and his inability to control his mouth, other wise we may have been sitting here awkwardly for way too long,_ Alessia thought.

"We have been given the morning off so that we can get to know each other, and then we each have different stuff to do. I think Vogel and Beck have an EMT course, which we will all eventually be given. All of us have to be able to give extensive First Aid and some medical advice, but not to the extend of Dr Beck. Obviously the rest of us do not need to be taught how to go about conducting a surgery. That's his job. Watney and I have a briefing on plants and geology, and White and Martinez have flight control and tech," answered Lewis whilst flicking through the massive book that contained every piece of information for the next two years.

An awkward moment passed where no one really knew what to say or do.

"Ok, well let's get this show on the road. I am Chicago born and raised. I studied at Chicago University, as well as Northwestern. I'm an engineer and a scientist, botanist to be exact."

"Bullshit, that's not science," interrupted Martinez.

"Better than none at all, Mr Army guy," retorted Watney. He was smiling. _He can take it just as well as he can dish it out_ , though Lewis.

"Ok well I studied medicine at Yale and then served as Captain in the United States Air Force Reserve, as a doctor. I have been twice to the SpaceX Station and conducted research on musculoskeletal alterations due to space. I have a sister; to whom I am very close with. I love green tea and books," stated Beck in an attempt to play the peace maker between the two brash astronauts.

"Nerd," commented Watney.

"Well, I specialise in chemistry and astrophysics. I grew up in Germany. I lived there with my wife and kids, up until a few days ago. I have conducted research in measuring cosmic microwave background and written articles. I love beer and sausages, like any other true German."

"I, like Martinez, worked in the Defence Force, but I was with the Navy. I did research in oceanography, and served as an officer in the Submarine Arctic Science Program. I then went to Caltech to study geology and planetray sciences. Like Dr Beck, I have been to the Space X Station a few times. My husband is a chef and I love disco music and the 70s era," commented Lewis.

"That's not nearly as cool as me, commander. I was a decorated pilot of the Air Force and made my way to the USAF Test Pilot School at Edwards Air Force Base. By fifteen, I knew that I wanted to work with NASA. I studied astronautical engineering. Oh I was also really into boxing and won a tournament when I was at the Air Force Academy. So you better watch out Watney! I am married to an incredible woman, and have a son who is simply adorable." Alessia couldn't help but smile at the evident love for his family that Martinez held.

"What about you kid?" asked the ex-Air Force pilot?

"Oh...well my life isn't that interesting. I graduated when I was twelve and when to M.I.T to study software engineering and computing. After I finished my degree, I was sixteen and I didn't really know what I wanted to do. I joined NASA because I thought why not. It seemed like a nice option. I helped to design new software for the Hermes and potential programming that NASA could use in the future. I grew up in New York, and then moved to Boston for college. I love coffee, and have a strong sweet tooth. I am very close to my cousins…and that's about it."

"I take back what I said, you are a much bigger nerd than Beck," commented Watney. Beck only rolled his eyes.

"Who picked you up yesterday?" inquired Vogel.

"Two of my cousins. They're triplets and one of them lives in D.C so it was very handy."

"You don't look alike."

"No their mother is Malaysian and they take after her. Their father is British and him and my father and were brothers." Lewis couldn't help but note the use of the past tense. Either White or her cousins had lost their father. She wouldn't pry, but it could come up later as an issue if she wasn't careful. She would have to keep a close eye on the young girl; family loss could have had troubled her more than she let on.

Alessia and Martinez both sat in one of the training rooms in front of various screens and monitors. She had to give him scenarios of what could potentially happen once in space, and he had to pilot a hypothetical Hermes through these scenarios. The aim was to successfully pilot the Hermes whilst keeping the ship intact…and the crew alive.

"Fuck!" he cursed as he crashed the ship for the third time.

"Oh come on Mr. Pilot guy, you not that good anymore?" she teased him with a sly smirk. This is so much fun, she couldn't help but think. She knew that the probability of a situation like this one actually happening was extremely low, and so was not concerned with the crash.

"You are making this way too complex then it will actually be!"

"You never know. We may get a reactor blow out whilst entering a new gravitational system and one of your commands may be disabled. You have to be prepared." Teasing him was probably the highlight of her day. Just like Watney, she could dish out sass just as much as she could take it in. Growing up with older cousins (who were really like siblings) does that to people.

"How do you know how to work this thing. It so hard, even I don't understand it!"

"I wouldn't expect you too. I designed this software. I know all of its inside-outs and how to make your life hell with it." The glee in her voice was reflected in her facial expression.

"You're succeeding very well at it. Wait…You designed this? You're like 23. How could you design something so complicated at this? Do you have a life outside of your laptop?"

"Not really. My laptop is my baby and I dedicate most of my time to it. And I'm nineteen by the way."

"NASA is sending to space a nineteen-year-old?!" Martinez could not disguise his shock. He was almost twenty years older than her. Hell, most of the crew was. _She was just a kid. She should be going out and have fun and a being a stupid teenager with her friends, not training for a potentially fatal mission_.

"Well technically I will be twenty-one by the time we launch," she replied trying not to take offence at his comment. She could do her job just as well as any one else, better the other candidates as NASA had picked her. Yes, she was young, but that doesn't mean she didn't have the abilities to do what was required of her.

Deciding to steer the conversation away from this potentially dangerous territory, she programmed an even harder scenario in the stimulator.

"You have to be kidding me," groaned the pilot.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long. I have been studying like crazy for my exams. They will be over in about two weeks, so I will be able to update heaps after then.

* * *

"Do you guys want to have dinner all together one weekend or something?" Even though a month had past since the very first meeting where they first met each other, Dr Beck knew that they still did not know much about one another, especially Alessia. That girl had a brilliant poker face and did not talk much about herself. She would deflect questions about herself by asking another question or answering it very vaguely. No one had seemed to notice, but Beck was determined to crack the young girl.

Training over the past month had been tough. Yes, the selection process had been designed to eliminate the weak and pick the mentally and physically strong, but this was a challenge that they were not prepared for.

The physical training was becoming more tenacious by the day to increase their resilience. It goes unsaid that Martinez, Lewis and White were by far those who managed the best. The army training undeniably helped the pilot and commander. They had been trained to endure hours of grueling physical work. White just drank so much caffeine that she always seemed to have the energy to work out, a factor that Dr Beck was trying to eliminate by pressuring her to quit drinking coffee and Redbull. To say that it was not working is an understatement.

The whole crew had taken the habit of staying at the NASA headquarters during the week, and then returning to their own house or apartment for the weekend. The only exceptions were Vogel, whose family lived in Germany (and he did not see the point of renting a house for himself, for only two days a week when he had free accommodation) and Watney, who was just lazy and the NASA quarters suited him just fine.

"That could be a good idea," Lewis answered carefully. She had noticed weak bonds of the crew. Whilst, Watney and Martinez were practically best friends, and Vogel and Beck had connected over their love for science, Alessia was more reserved at times. She closed up when the discussions became personal and questions about herself and/or her family were brought up. _If I'm not careful, this could become a serious issue, and it could put either herself or the entire crew in danger_. However, she did seem to enjoy the occasional banter with the pilot and the biologist. The three of them could be unstoppable at times. Her innocence and youth was often contagious, and had led to many fits of laughter of the training. It kept the atmosphere light when everyone was sick of the grueling work they had to endure.

Her mind flashed back to that one day where she had to get very serious with her crew, minus White.

 _Lewis had gathered the men of the crew and sat them down in a private room. She knew that White was doing some technological maneuvering training, and that she had to use this time wisely._

 _"Alright you all, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm going to say this once and only once." She paused to take a breath and could see how uneasy her team was. "White is off limits. You are completely forbidden to have any kind of sexual relation with her. Not unless you both want to be kicked off the Ares III mission. To be very truthful, I cannot see any of you making a move on her, but I still have to say this. The thought of you dating her is sick because most of you are around twenty years older than her."_

 _The reactions of her crew members was what the commander had expected. Anger, outrage and shock was the best way to sum it up._

 _"Commander what the fuck! White is young enough for some us to be her father. That's so wrong!" Watney's outburst clearly conveyed the thoughts of the rest of the crew._

 _"She's like a younger sister. A very sassy and way too smart for her own good younger sister."_

 _"That's so wrong on so many levels."_

 _"She's young enough to be my daughter."_

 _"Eww gross. What the hell?"_

 _"Commander, I'm shocked you would think so lowly of us."_

 _"I know you would never do anything like that. This is protocol. It's part of my job to tell you that she is completely off limits. Like I said, I don't doubt that something like that would never happen." Lewis' authoritative voice cut the protests._

 _"She's like a sister commander, or a cousin, or hell, even a daughter." Watney's trembling voice still betrayed his shock._

 _"You would have had to be pretty serious with some chick at a very young age Mark," joked Martinez_

 _"I could start a show: teen father!"_

 _"On another note, has anyone noticed how we don't know much about White?" commented Beck._

 _"I think she's just more reserved about her private life. She doesn't hesitate to argue and banter with two two idiots here," pointed our Vogel, whilst indicating towards Beck and Martinez, who in returned shot him deadpan glares. "I say give her time, she may tell us more when she is more comfortable around us."_

"I'm happy to dinner at my place," joked Mark.

"I'll pass. Your feet stink. There's no way I'll ever step in you room," attacked Rick.

"I can be very convincing." Mark winked at the pilot and looked at him in a very suggestive way.

"I'll have to check with my wife first," replied Martinez in an equally seductive manner.

"I would host it, but my apartment is quite small," cut in Beck. He thought the banter between the two astronauts very entertaining, but they had slightly more pressing matters, i.e. team bonding.

"I could host it" Alessia soft voice cut in. Every one turned to look at her.

"What? I could. Oh, wait, my cousins are here for the next ten days or so. Sorry."

"That could still work. We don't mind." Vogel looked around the group for confirmation. The crew nodded.

"I could always kick them out of my place if need be," White smiled.

"Perfect!"

* * *

Martinez, Watney, Lewis, Vogel and Beck arrived at the address White had texted them. They stood in front of a small house, similar to a studio. The small front garden looked to be well kept after, and that was in Watney's opinion (and he was a botanist!). Upon ringing the doorbell, they were met with two young men. Vogel recognized them as the people who had picked up Alessia on the first day they had met.

"Are you guys the astronauts 'Less works with?" inquired one of them.

"Yes, you must be her cousins."

"Oh yeah…Uh come on in I guess. 'Less and our sister have gone to the store to buy some stuff. They should be back in a couple of minutes."

The house was constructed two floors. On the first floor, a large room with a kitchen, living room and dining room. Large French doors led to a small back garden, resulting in the room being lit up by the sun setting down in the background. The collection of various pieces of furniture was modern and with the addition of flowers and an aroma of candles, the house felt like home. Piles of books covered every spare centimeter of furniture.

"Shit Nick we fucked up," exclaimed one of the boys.

"Uh why?"

"'Less asked us to cook the vegetables remember."

"Fuck! You're right Alex. Ok we need a plan. She is really scary when angry. Alright back us up here guys," turning to the astronauts (who couldn't stop smiling, or smirking in Martinez's case, at the young men's antics), Nick continued, "we broke something and spent time cleaning it up because we didn't want 'Less to cut herself."

"Yeah that sounds good. That's definitively what happened ok?" Nick's brother turned to the five crew members for confirmation. _I can tell where she got her sass and sarcasm from_. Vogel shook his head at the antics before him.

Minutes later, the sound of a key unlocking a door could be heard. Alessia and another girl walked in chattering and laughing.

 _It's so strange to see her so carefree and happy. Why is she so reserved? She seems to be quite confident with her family, so what could possibly have happened that caused her to shut like a clam at mentions of her relatives? Maybe a traumatic accident she doesn't want to relive? It happens to soldiers; I've seen it before. Yes, I think it could be that._ Beck was cut off by Alessia greeting them.

After apologizing for her tardiness (and yelling at her cousins for not cooking the vegetables and finishing up dinner, and then finally officially introducing her cousins to her colleagues, dinner was served.

"So let me get this straight, you're the youngest of your family…but you're a crazy tech person who isn't even twenty yet." Watney couldn't hide the disbelief in his voice.

"That pretty much sums it up."

"You guys reckon we will get this kind of food in space?"

"No way man, space food is revolting."

"As long as they have sausages, I'm a happy person."

"Vogel, you are a walking German stereotype."

"Sausages and beer man, that's what it's all about."

Looking at the dynamics of the team, Hannah began to feel more reassured about her cousin. Because she was the youngest, it was natural for the family to feel protective of Alessia, especially after the accident. When Alessia had told them that she was going to space for over a year, the family was completely shambled. Their baby was leaving, outside the protected confinement of planet Earth. Alessia leaving for university at such a young age had been hard enough for the family to accept, her leaving the planet was just not believable. Nevertheless, she was going, and Hannah was going to make sure that her team would protect her. Seeing the team chatter and tease each other, she began to feel more reassured. They would undeniably take care of one another. _Has she told them about the accident? If she hasn't then she is an idiot. They need to find out as soon as possible. It could affect her relationship with them_. They were living and training together for two years after all, they would eventually know everything about one another.

* * *

 _So let me get this straight, I have to spend 10 days in this tiny room by myself. Fuck that's a long time._

 _Ten days…that's 240 hours, or 14 400 minutes, or 864 000 seconds or even 864 000 000 milliseconds._

 _In Spongebob, Patrick must be so clueless because he lives under a rock._

 _If I'm right, I have spent only a day and a half in this bloody cell._

 _I wonder how the others are doing. Who am I kidding? Lewis is probably glaring at a wall, Beck is sleeping (because sleep is important as he told me so many times) and Vogel would be trying to find a way to make some sort of alcohol with the materials in the room._

 _If he can make alcohol with a bed, water and food…I will be so impressed. He can be the next billionaire._

 _I can just imagine Watney sitting in his room trying to figure out some weird life issue that has been bothering him since childhood or something ridiculous like that. I don't even want to think about what Martinez is doing._

 _If I hadn't been sick that day, they would still be here._

 _I hope they don't blame me._

 _What the hell am I thinking? Of course they blame me. If it wasn't for me they would still be here._

 _What would Nick and Alex say if I did an impression of 'Hips don't lie'? Or what about a Miley Cyrus song? I would never be able to leave the house ever again._

 _This bed is so uncomfortable, it should be classified as a modern torture device. They could use it at Guantanamo instead of water-boarding._

 _If we successfully grow plants on Mars, will we have conquered the planet? Well technically Watney would be growing plants, but there is no way that he is getting all the credit._

 _Man this food is revolting. Where is the sugar?_

 _Would they let us bring a karaoke machine on the Hermes? We could have so much success and make music videos. We could be billionaires by the time we get back on earth. I can see the headline: 'Ares III, the space tour! Buy your tickets to see on video live!'_

 _I really need some coffee._

* * *

 _A/N: I have a vague idea of where this is going next, but if you guys have ideas or input for the story, then by all means do tell me. I would greatly appreciate feedback or reviews._


	4. Chapter 4

Four months into their training, and things were going smoothly. Every astronaut was more or less exhausted due to the excessively demanding nature of the training. Between cardiovascular and strength conditioning sessions, survival courses, experimental training for zero-gravity science and psychiatric evaluations, needless to say; they were exhausted. But their camaraderie grew. Watney was always there to make a sarcastic and/or funny input, which kept the atmosphere light and barren of tension, and Beck and Vogel alternated to play peacemaker of the childish banter that ensued between the team. Half the time, Commander Lewis just rolled her eyes, and let the bickering continue.

But no one had noticed the deteriorating state of Alessia White. Bags encircled her eyes and she seemed whiter than bedsheets. Having a slightly overprotective family, she had years of practise covering up emotions or weakness. So no one knew that she was being tortured by nightmares and oppressed by flashbacks, and that her consumption of energy drinks and caffeine had tripled over the past few weeks.

"Sir, would you have a minute?" Mitch Henderson looked up from his computer and saw the young woman in front of him. She clasped her hands together to hide their tremble, and walked in his office. Silently, he took in White's appearance. Like all astronauts at the base, she wore NASA gear consisting of sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. They seemed to swallow her small frame, and she appeared to be more like a child than the headstrong young woman she was.

"Of course, what can I do for you?"

"I just came to request permission to take leave on Thursday through to the end of the weekend." Her request seemed bizarre. That's normally something that you would ask the team commander…

"You don't want Commander Lewis to know. Why?"

"Thursday is the anniversary of my parents' death. I'm afraid that I will not be able to properly focus on the task at hand and could endanger the team by not training adequately."

"So why not tell her that? I'm sure she would understand."

"I don't want them to know," hesitation coated her words, "I haven't told them about my situation at home. Truth be told, I haven't told them much about my past. I don't want them to seem me differently. I was hoping that you or someone else could tell them I was sick and taking a few days off. That way when I come back on Monday everything is behind me and I can focus again."

Mitch couldn't help but frown. The Ares III crew were meant to bond like a team, a family that would support each other for over four years, and they were not meant to keep secrets from one another. Secrets were dangerous, secrets could have them killed. But he knew her past was sensitive; dangerous and private.

"Fine. You can leave Wednesday night late, because I'm assuming you don't want them to see you. You must be back by Monday. I hope you are a good actress, because they will ask questions. You have to expect that Dr Beck will be curious and will want to examine you to determine what kind of 'illness' you have. Are you sure you want to lie to them?"

"I have to. If they knew they would see me in a different light. Sir, all my life I have spent proving myself and defying social constructs. None believed that a sixteen-year-old could join NASA, so I did it. I have worked my ass off to defy those who place meek standards and low expectation in front of me to show just what I was capable of. I don't want them to judge or have other views of me, Sir."

Henderson wanted to tell her that this wasn't true, but he knew he couldn't. When he had selected her to take part of the Ares Program, he got told he was insane, that she wasn't capable, that she was too weak, that the age gap would prove to be too difficult to manage the team. Yet, she had shown everyone that she was indeed capable, and that nothing would stand in front of her. When she created the stimulator for the Hermes, it was a competition between a few technicians as to whose would be picked and whose would be the best. She earned foes rather than friends when hers was declared best suited for the Hermes. Likewise, he knew that people didn't attend the lectures she gave because they thought she was young and inexperienced. He knew that she knew, and he couldn't imagine the hurt and humiliation that it must put her through.

So he granted her request.

Wednesday night came, and silently Alessia packed her bag. She knew she had to keep up appearances so she took what the team knew to be her most prized possessions, including her oversized NASA hoodie. Tying her hair in a messy bun, and letting her pale skin and red eyes do the rest, she appeared to be truly sick. Silently, she walked across the common room and out the door. Blinking away tears, she walked to the bus station to get home.

* * *

When Hannah opened the doorbell on Thursday evening, she couldn't keep the shock off her face. The entire Ares III crew stood in front of her. Still dressed in NASA gear, they wore expressions of concern and pity.

"Can I help you guys?"

"How is White? We got told she was sick and wanted to check up on her."

"Well, more precisely, we got told she was sick and Dr Beck rounded up everyone to check on," interjected Watney, interrupting Martinez.

"I am technically her doctor, and she is my patient, so I don't see why this shocks you," justified Beck.

It took all of three seconds for Hannah to take in the situation. _So she told them she was sick…and lied to them to not tell her why she is here. Alright well considering that she isn't home…I'm going to have to stall them._

"Ah right. Yes, she is quite sick, but should be better in a few days. She and my brothers have gone to get medication and cough drops." _Bullshit, they went to the cemetery and she most likely had a breakdown. Being the overprotective cousins that they are, Nick and Alex probably comforted her for three hours, which is why they still aren't home. They better be home soon, or these NASA people will see right through my lie._

Thankfully, another three people walked through the door. Alessia successfully managed to cover her tear stained face with sunglasses, but that didn't go unnoticed by Vogel.

"Hey guys, what are you doing here?" Her raspy voice could sound like she had a sore throat, but the German astronaut knew it was because she had been crying. His daughter used the same strategy, so it wasn't hard for him to tear apart her scheme.

"Henderson told us you were sick so we came to check up on you."

No one noticed the glances that Alex, Nick and Hannah exchanged.

"How are you feeling? Anything in particular sore? Headache? Throat? Stomach?" inquired Beck, slipping into his 'Doctor mode' as Martinez called it.

"I'm fine, just tired and headaches. I don't want to be rude, but if I stand for another minute, I may just pass out. I really just need to sleep. I'll see you guys on Monday, ok?"

Nick was stunned. Alessia had managed to, in a very diplomatic way, shut them out so that they wouldn't pry. By manipulating them in this manner, it was impossible for further questions to be asked, unless they wanted seem disrespectful. Once she upstairs, and the click of her bedroom door was heard, Hannah faced the astronauts.

"Alright, enough with this bullshit, follow me."

Confused and shocked, they followed the Malaysian women out of the townhouse. She led them to a coffee shop and signalled for them to order. Obediently, they each chose their coffees, and in the case of Watney, pastries to eat.

"Ok what is this? An intervention?" Martinez went straight to the point.

"No. This is the truth. My cousin has a heart of gold, but she doesn't want to be seen as weak, so she will never tell you her story. She can't keep lying to you, so I'm going to tell you her story."

Hannah took the stunned faces in front of her as a motion to continue.

"As you know, Alessia is nineteen and a college graduate. She and my brothers and I are very close, as I am sure you have noticed. However, the way in which we became this close isn't a happy story." The astronauts exchanged wary glances. Inhaling and clearing her thoughts, Hannah continued.

"Less' parents lived in D.C, where she was born and raised. Her father was actually British, and he was my dad's brother. Alessia is Anglo-American, whereas Nick, Alex and I are Anglo-Malaysian. My family moved to Boston about ten years ago, so we we have live in the United States for a while now.

I don't know if you realised, but Less is basically a genius. We realised that when she was a baby. She spoke much earlier than anyone expected, and she quickly picked up various languages, her parents being language professors. By the time she was five, she spoke fluent English, French, Russian and Spanish. Due to her extremely high IQ, her parents chose to home-school her until she was eleven. Then, she entered high school as a senior, to properly graduate.

When Less was twelve, that's when the accident happened. Her parents and her were on their way to see a play for her birthday. A drunk driver collided with their car. Catherine and Andrew passed away instantly, leaving Less as the sole survivor of the accident." Hannah paused to wipe tears from her eyes. Sipping her coffee, she glanced at the expressions of pity and shock from the crew.

"To this day, she still blames herself. They don't call it survivors' guilt for no reason, I suppose. Less' life completely turned around after that. Hell, she completely turned around herself. She wasn't the bright, bubbly, overexcited genius any more. She spent days in her room, barely eating and crying all the time. Once the funeral was done, my parents signed custody of her. We talked to her school, and she moved to Boston. It was a good arrangement considering she had been accepted at M.I.T.

It took a long time for Less to heal. She had night terrors every night, barely sleeping and surviving on over-caffeinated drinks. She constantly had flashbacks. For weeks she didn't sleep properly and her dreams were plague with the memories of the accident." The young woman chose to ignore the exchange of glances between the commander and the doctor.

Beck and Lewis had noticed the little time the young astronaut spent sleeping. She seemed to be awake at every hour of the day, but nervous and edgy at night.

"Because she had moved in with us, Nick, Alex and I became very close to her. Alex and Nick immediately took the roles of the overprotective big brothers. Each night when she woke up screaming, one of them would stay with her until morning came. They were her protectors, her rock. If she had an issue or a problem, she would go to them. They beat up so many teenage boys that tried to hit on her. I was the one who taught her to do her makeup and sneak out, how to evade the brotherly protection patrol and how to walk in stilettos.

After months we began to see improvements. She began to smile again, she started properly eating, and she talked more. The day we heard her laugh again was magical. She still blames herself to this day, but she can now cope with the loss.

When she was sixteen, that's when things went downhill again. She had begun to see this guy who went to Boston University. It goes without saying that Alex and Nick did not approve. But she was happy. He made her laugh and her eyes shined like they had when she was a kid. Until he turned sour." Her voice hardened and anger and hatred shone through.

"He became a monster. I will never forget the call I received from my mother telling me that my cousin, the girl that was basically my sister was in hospital. He had assaulted her. She had a black eyes and bruises tattered her broken body. But worst of all, he sexually assaulted her. He had taken her innocence because she had refused to sleep with him." A loud bang interrupted her. In his anger, Martinez had slammed his mug on the table, although thankfully, it did not break.

"What?!" he spat. "How could someone just do that to her? Who is this kid? I'm going to find him and he can answer to me!" Lewis silenced him by placing her hand on his arm, whilst nodding her head towards Hannah, inviting her to continue.

"And just like that, it was back to square one. The nightmares, the flashbacks, the screams, they all returned. But she didn't let them get to her. You know Alessia, she is as stuborn as a mule. Less claimed that she wasn't going to let him get to her. She wasn't going to let him win, she wouldn't be broken again. So she forced herself to smile, to continue living like before.

The next year, she applied to work at NASA. She had been offered a job as a technician and software developer. She loved it and began to look alive again. Last year she applied to take part of the Ares Program, and well you know how she is today."

"Son of a bitch," curses slipped out from Mark before he could stop himself.

"That is…something." Vogel nodded thoughtfully. It certainly explained a lot about her reserved nature and the manner in which she kept her distance.

"So why was she not at NASA today?" inquired Lewis.

"Today was the anniversary of her parents' death. She knew that she wouldn't be able to focus on work so she took the day off, asking people to tell you she was sick or something."

A heavy silence weighed down on the group. _How the hell do you react to something like that? Not something you can just laugh off._ Watney just sat there bewildered.

"Tell her that we are waiting for her on Monday, and that we hope she feels better."

Commander Lewis made the final call. Standing up, she signalled for the crew to depart, leaving the Malaysian woman to her thoughts.


End file.
